What is and what is not a date can be ambiguous territory in this age of friendly, continuous, messy everlasting drinking.
How do you know when to make the executive call that it’s not a romantic rendezvous and just two human beings getting together to imbibe beverages at an oft accelerated pace?
–when he tells you within the first 30 minutes how he contracted HPV from his one-night stand in the West Village with a girl who was admittedly, “drunk out of her mind.”
–when he says you look slim—as opposed to the last time he saw you, when he says you “didn’t look your best.” He then responds to your look of shock and disgust with, “It’s okay. I’m a fat fuck, too.”
–when he tells you about how he’s given up his daily pot habit.¤.¤.for a daily cocaine one.
–when he tells you that he is currently sleeping with three ex-girlfriends.
–when he complains, in excruciating detail, about his indigestion.
–when he shows you a naked pic of himself on his iPhone—and then a Manhunt alert pops up.
***If said man tries to convince you that, despite all of the above, you are still on a date since you are both single and drinking, he is wrong. And perhaps clinically insane.