–rub a chicken wing all over it, take a photo, and post the pic to eBay. Say it’s Justin Bieber’s shirt from when he ate chicken wings that ONE time he was just trying to be a normal kid. Demand $20,000 minimum.
–give it back to your ex—but not until you cut out a gigantic heart at the top of the shirt. The message will be clear: You can have your ratty t-shirt back, but I will always have your heart.
–you know how some people say the best cure for a hangover is to take a shot of vodka first thing in the morning? Well, maybe the best cure for a breakup is to keep the shirt and sleep in it every single night for the next 8 months (washing it is clearly prohibited lest the smell of Axe spray fade). Especially if you have a new man beside you. If he questions the origins of your too-large t-shirt, just tell him you used to be fat. He’ll feel too awkward to ever bring it up again, and grateful for your new slim physique.
–give it to his new gf (who you only technically met via Facebook and are pretty sure he was cheating on you with) as a birthday gift with a note attached that reads: “If you only know the things we did while wearing this t-shirt.” The present screams thoughtful, yet not too extravagant.
–crumple it up, stick it under the sink, and scrub that spot behind your toilet you’ve never before been brave enough to venture near. That will show him!
–tie-dye and margarita party!!!!!!!!!!
–tie-dye and margarita and regrettable drunken sexting party!!!!!
–use as an extra large handkerchief after the tie-dye/margarita/regrettable drunken sexting party.