Materials Needed for “PROJECT BOY”

Not all boys are men. Some are projects. And that’s coo. Fixer-uppers are fine as long as you’ve got the proper supplies, chica! Before you begin a craft-astic weekend, stock up on the below to ensure that your boy is in tip-top form.

–2 properly (and nonchalantly) rolled sleeves–ideally attached to something other than a shirt with a NY sports team logo, “I Love Jugs” declaration, or any Ed Hardy design.

–a cell phone that is identical to the one he already owns—minus the number of his ex-gf, who yeah, you’re totally fine with them still being friends! Because you’re a totally cool girlfriend. And at least 10 pounds skinnier than that hideous troll with a budget nose job (props to your new no-carb, no-sugar, no-meat, no-fruit, no-fun diet). I mean, at least yours is good. And was like, for your health. Deviated septum=danger.

–a pair of shoes that don’t look as though they belong to a poorly-heeled serial killer.

–one of those Cash4Gold envelopes for his Chipotle wrappers and the thickly-woven chain dangling from his not-beefy-enough neck. Yumm…BEEF CRAVING.

–an industrial shredder to destroy his mom jeans.

–a bouquet of flowers. For him to give to you.–a manly martini, spiked with crushed Propecia.

–a muzzle. Use as you see fit.–a tire deflator—do you really want your beau to be one of those fully shaven menaces on wheels who zoom through the park endangering young children and innocent runners everywhere? Plus, how can you keep tabs on his every move when is he going so.damn.fast?

–an inflator for other things.

 *****Assemble materials with care. Returns not accepted..

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Dating. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s