“The Faux-Pull: A Story of Love Lost and Money Gained”

INT. RESTAURANT-NIGHT

GIRL AND BOY ARE FINISHING THEIR WINE AND TWO PLATES OF TAPAS (BOY DIDN’T WANT TO MAKE THE DATE SUPER FORMAL BY INVITING GIRL TO A REAL MEAL AND ALL. SHE WAS FINE WITH THAT, BECAUSE LET’S GET SERIAL–THEY MET ON THE INTERNETS AND IF HE WAS EVEN HALF AN INCH SHORTER THAN HE CLAIMED TO BE, SHE WAS GOING TO STAND HIM UP AND TOTS BLOG ABOUT IT WHEN SHE GOT HOME. STILL, GIRL LIED WHEN SHE SAID SHE ATE A LATE LUNCH/EARLY DINNER AND WAS STARVING! TWO APPETIZERS–SHARED–COULD BARELY TAKE THE EDGE OFF HER GRUMBLING TUMMY. ESPECIALLY SINCE GIRL DIDN’T EAT ALL DAY IN ORDER TO LOOK HER MOST SKINNY MINNY TEENY WEENY FOR THE BIG DATE! SHE COULDN’T WAIT TO DIG INTO THAT BAG OF FROZEN GRAPES AS SOON AS SHE GOT HOME).

THEY ARE LAUGHING AND FLIRTING. THEY ARE BOTH A LITTLE TIPSY. ON A TUESDAY NIGHT!

WAITER APPEARS AND PLACES THE BILL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TABLE.

BOY
(reaching for bill)
I’ve got this.

 GIRL
(already began reaching for her purse as soon as the waiter arrived, just to demonstrate that, you know, she doesn’t expect BOY to pay and that she’s totally willing and ready, should her money be requested)
Are you sure?

 BOY
(has his credit card out on the table)
Yeah, sure. It’s no problem.

 GIRL
(fluttering eyes, she now has her Prada wallet visibly grasped).
I have money if you want!

 BOY
Ha, I’ve got it.

 GIRL
(smiling, she tilts her head downward—she read that guys like when girls do that—and speaks flirtatiously)
Last chance…

BOY
(eyes girl, eyes wallet, eyes check).
Umm…I’ll take $5.

GIRL
Huh?

BOY
I’d like to get an ice cream cone after this.

GIRL
Wait, what?

BOY
I don’t have any cash.

GIRL
So you want mine? For ice cream?

BOY
Well, you offered…

GIRL
What kind of ice cream are you going to get?

BOY
Cookies and Cream.

GIRL
Small or medium?

BOY
Maybe a large?

GIRL
(mouth agape, hands shaking so badly her Prada nearly falls to the ground)
Fuck you.

 BOY
Excuse me?

 GIRL
You heard me! And I don’t even swear, normally. Except for like, in emails. To my camp friends.

 BOY
You offered to pay!

GIRL
(gets out of her chair, throwing $40 on the table)
My mother told me never to be BBM friends with boys like you.

 BOY
I could never eat $40 worth of ice cream!

GIRL STORMS OUT. BOY IS LEFT AT TABLE CONFUSED. HE WATHCES GIRL RUN AWAY, SHRUGS HIS SHOULDERS, DRINKS THE REMAINDER OF HER WINE, AND POCKETS THE MONEY.

BOY
Okay…I totally could.

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2 Responses to “The Faux-Pull: A Story of Love Lost and Money Gained”

  1. exile says:

    wtf? that girl is crazy!

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